YAY!

Tomorrow night I am going to get to see my niece for the very first time ever. Not to mention I'll be seeing my bro and his wife as well. It will be a short trip but very well worth it. I feel so much better than I did on Sunday night. YAY!

Moving

So, today I pretty much finished moving all my stuff over to my new place. With the help of Reggie(the machine) yesterday and Erin today it was a pretty smooth move. All that's left are a few odds and ends and then cleaning the place up. Moving, in general just sucks. First off, it's physically exhausting and a lot of times it doesn't even hit you till two days later that you just moved box after box and walked up and down stairs all weekend and week. And second, it's an emotional thing as well. I loved our place now and it's the first place that I've lived at for more than a year. A lot of memories and goodtimes were experienced here. We definitely lucked out with this one. However, I understand that we all need to move on and there will be new memories at my new place and even other's places as well. I think I've been on such an emotional rollercoaster the past month that I have so many mixed emotions about the whole thing. I've been running on anxiety, sadness, being hurt, being anxious, and so on for the past month that I don't know how to even relax..haha. What is crazy is that I go on vacation in two weeks. On July 7th, I am headed to Alaska with one of my best friends. And as I have said before, I see my niece for the first time next weekend. WOOHOO!! I still do not know about the job promotion and I'm not sure when I will know. But, I still have a job now, a roof over my head, friends and family who love me, and my health. Even through the drama and the tears I'm grateful for it all. June is almost over and it's crazy how time flies. We are in to summer now and a lot will be happening. :)

Breast :)

Okay, so today I was thinking about boobs at work. HAHAH..yes, I know you are all wondering why on earth I was thinking about them. Allow me to explain! I am a woman obviously. I have large breasts and I'm very proud of them. Anyone who knows me knows I love them...haha. Anyway, working in a Sporting Goods store I get a lot of questions from women and even men at times about sport bras. And it occurred to me today when I was talking to a lady about a sports bra how much I talk about boobs at work on a daily basis..haha. And what's even funnier is how completely natural it seems to be to myself and everyone else. The best is when you get men who are buying for their wife, girlfriend, sister, daugther and so on. Because they base everything on the way my breast look. And so when you are talking to them they aren't staring at anything else but your boobs...haha. You get occassional responses like, "Well, she's well stacked." Or, "Her breasts are really big."..HAHA!! I usually refrain from laughing but always smile because you can see the awkardness in the faces of these men. Women are a different story. We talk about our boobs freely and we compare and we discuss it. It's completely natural for us. But yes...that is what I thought about today at work. It has made me giggle all day. And it is extremely fascinating to me.

Vacation Time

I am in much need of a vacation. I need to get out of here for awhile. I need to just escape my mind for a bit if that makes any sense. In about three weeks I'll be off to Alaska with my best friend and it couldn't have come at a better time. I am so tired and need and want to relax. Oh bother.

Somewhat Calm

So....this week I finally found a place to live. Today I signed the lease for my new place and dropped off a ginormous check to them. The place is tiny with royal blue carpet. It doesn't have a dishwasher or a microwave. But honestly, I do not care. It's a one bedroom, which is good because I was originally looking at studios to save money, but I couldn't stand not having two different rooms. This place has everything I need for ME. If you ever saw our place now this new place is kind of a step down..haha. We really lucked out with the place we are at right now, but all good things must come to an end. :)
I had my THIRD interview today for the auditor position. I asked him when we might know who got the job and it seems that nobody has an answer for me. I believe that it went well. It's always a little rocky at first, but once I get into it I am okay. My manager told me he was told it went very well, but you never really know. I am just staying positive on the whole thing because given the opportunity I know I would do an outstanding job. There's no doubt in my mind about this.
I worked six days this week and I am looking forward to sleeping in on Saturday. I haven't really been able to sleep in the past month due to my levels of stress and also being somewhat depressed. I feel better about things in general. I'm not over anything by any means but I have come to terms with certain things. It's not easy to mend a broken heart but with time it actually does get a little bit easier. And you start to look at things more rationally and just seem to be able to focus on the positive of the past a little better. I still wish things could have gone a different way, but I know in the end there's no way they could have. And whether I believe it now..all of this has happened for a reason. :)

Makes You Think About Good People

Today, I visited my friend at Veterans Park, which is located by my house. She had done the "Aids Ride" from San Francisco to Los Angeles and the closing ceremonies ended up being right by my house. It was a quick visit as I saw her for about a half hour and then she went to be with her family. Nonetheless, it was good to see a friendly face, especially these days. Before all the riders rode in I stood observing everything and all the people surrounding me. There were all walks of life there. There were blacks, gays, mexican, lesbians, and so on. Everyone came together for the same reason. To support someone they knew in the ride and for many of them to remember someone who had passed due to AIDS or was currently living with it. It was inspiring to say the least. There were families and loved ones everywhere. There were couples and friends and even though I was by myself it was so very refreshing to see and be surrounded by. The whole thing really puts things into perspective. I've had a very rough three weeks. And my stresses continue to add up. But when you go to something like this event and you see the people and you hear the stories suddenly these things in your life or my life seem so small. As I had one of my many breakdowns with my mother today she said to me, "Blair, this is not a tragedy. It feels like it, but it's not a tragedy." And she is right..completely right. If it wasn't this it would be something else and things could be so much worse. Things will always eventually fall into place. It might be at the very last minute possible but they always fall into place. Until another thing comes along and cetches you off guard. That's just how life is and that is how we grow as individuals. There's a light at the end of the tunnel. Even if I can't see it at all..I know it is there. ..And I know this blog is my ramblings and that it may not make sense but that's how my mind is working these days. :)

The Tribe Has Spoken

Woo..I did not get picked for jury duty. I don't know how but through my earth shattering eyes they were able to tell that I would be of no importance to the case..haha..JK! One stress down and God only knows how many more to go. Tomorrow I have my second phone interview for the auditor position. It's actually with a lady who I knew back in Colorado when I worked for Garts. She was our auditor at the time, however, I never had her audit me because I moved to California before that happened. Needless to say, she remember me on the phone and so maybe that will be good in the end. Who really knows though? I have my heart set on a place that I faxed my application to on Saturday, but when I called then AGAIN today they told me I was second in line for it. I'm kind of bummed even though I don't know the outcome of it yet. More than likely, I will not get the apartment. I'm a tad stressed about it. I might have to change my location, which I will just have to deal with when all is said and done. But damn..this place was so perfect for me. I feel a little better than I have the past couple weeks. I still wish for things and keep running things through my head but overall I feel better. I mean I have to, right? Keep your fingers crossed for me!

Sunday...It is never a good day.

I have never really enjoyed Sundays. I am not sure if it is because I have to work the next five days and I know that Mondays are always hectic and annoying. Or maybe it's just because it's the day where I seem to think the most. As everyone can see from reading my last few blogs, the last two weeks haven't been my best ones. This weekend was the hardest of the past couple weeks and that's because with certain circumstances I have nothing to hold onto anymore. However, my friends have been great this weekend and in some way made me hang out with them...haha. Well, they didn't make me I could have easily said no, but I know at this time and pretty much anytime it is good to be around the people you love and who love you in return. And I am thanking each of them for taking me in this weekend and making me smile and laugh and reminding me that there are WAY WAY worse things that could be wrong. But still, the sadness and the confusion seems to be lingering. I can't wait for a month to be over or something when I feel a little better. I have an exciting time ahead of me. I get to probably see my bro, my sister and law, and my niece for the very first time at the end of the month. I am going to Alaska with one of my very best friends at the beginning of July. And I get to attend weddings of two very important and inspiring people in my life. So, there are things to look forward to. Things to make me smile. I want to snap out of all of this. I want to not feel the way I do now, but I know that it will take time. I just do not have the patience for it..haha. Anyway, tomorrow I have to go see if I get picked for Jury Duty..haha. I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing. Not having to go to work on a Monday for once is appealing but sitting in a courtroom all day waiting to see if you are picked doesn't sound that fun. :)