One Week Later

It's exactly one week today since my father and I started heading out to California. That was a bad day. I almost think that if I made it through that day I can make it through anything. I remember sitting in Cedar City, Utah wondering how I was possibly going to make it through all this. Well, one week later I am hanging in there. Each day gets a tad bit easier. I still have my moments of sadness and I know this is normal, but I know it will get easier. I was talking to one of my best friends yesterday and she said to me, "I'd be really surprise if you came back to Colorado ever again." I replied with, "Really? You do not think I will ever come back?" She said, "To visit of course but you are just now starting your life. I am so proud of you." I think that at that moment I needed to hear that. Instead of focusing on the possibility of me moving back to Colorado, I need to focus on the fact that I have an amazing journey ahead of me. Maybe it's not about having someone tell you that they miss you everyday because in the end you know they do. Maybe it's about someone asking you to tell them about all the cool things you have seen and for them to let you know how happy they are for you. I mean, don't get me wrong, there are those few people I will talk to on a regular basis and will always tell them I miss them. But that doesn't need to be the focus of our conversation. Plus, my truly good friends are going to be with me always and I think I am just now realizing that. We may not be near each other in distance, but having each other in our hearts is comforting and reassuring. Yes, everyday I wish I could hug those I love so very much. I am an extremely affectionate person and hugs to me are the best thing in the world. But it's only going to make the next time I see these people twice as good.

Forget Regret

There is no future
There is no past
I live this moment
As my last
There's only us
There's only this
Forget Regret
Or life is yours to miss
No other road
No other way
No day but today

-From the broadway show RENT

Job

I start my job at Sportmart on Friday. These people are the most unorganized people. I cannot tell you the number of times I have called to get my schedule or just to talk to the store manager. The store manager for whatever reason is never there and everytime I tell the people who I am I can only assume that on the other end they are looking as if someone with three heads walked in the door. I talked to five different people until someone just pulled a time out of his ass and told me to be there at 10am on Friday. Also, the first day I walked in to the store I stood there for 5 minutes and not one person asked if I needed any help. And 3 different sales associates walked by me. Now, believe me, I am really not into the corporate shit that goes a long with many of the businesses in our world, but I'd like to think I know the difference between a customer who truly needs help and a customer who is just browsing. Nonetheless, when I was walking through the place the managers can wear athletic shoes, which I am ecstatic about, and they do not sell any firearms. As Operations Manager this makes my life much easier. I really have no idea what to expect, but I know what kind of person I am and it's very easy for me to meet and get a long with people. Over 2 years ago I walked into Gart Sports not knowing anyone and 2 years later I had grown and met some extremely amazing people and one big ASSHOLE!!!.....HAHAHAH!!

Some Song Lyrics I Love

"I don't mind spendin everyday out on your corner in the pourin rain. Look for the girl with he broken smile. Ask her if she wants to stay awhile and she will be loved..."
-Maroon 5
"I want so badly to believe that "there is truth, that love is real" and I want life in every word to the extent that it's absurd."
-The Postal Service
"Even the best fall down sometimes. Even the wrong words seem to rhyme."
-Howie Day
"As a rapturous voice escapes I will tremble a prayer."
-AFI

The Highs In My Life

I thought it would be interesting to list the things in my life that make me feel good.....

1) The bubbles at the top of a fresh glass of milk before the first sip has been taken.
2) Hearing a song you love on the radio that you haven't heard in awhile and then realizing that you actually own the CD.
3) Wanting a song to play so bad on the radio and the next three times you get in your car it is on.
4) Walking outside at 2am and the snow is shiny and silence covers the earth.
5) Hugs....They are everything!!
6) A pair of your favorite jeans marked $50.00, but when you check out they actually come up $15.00.
7) A group of 10 of your friends and as you look around everyone is talking with each other and no one is silent.
8) The slight touch of a friend whe you begin to feel stressed and overwhelmed.
9) BudLight in a bottle.
10) Saying I love you to someone and there being no awkardness behind it.

These are just a sample of the small things in my life that tickle me. It's fun to make list like this. It helps you to appreciate life.

Too much stuff

So, I have started unpacking all of my stuff. And I wonder how I have accumulated so much stuff over the years. Most of it is picture frames and random penguin figurines, but it's a lot of that stuff. Next time I move I am not taking any furniture. I am taking my clothes and my penguin figurines....HAHAHAHA!!! Last night I went out to the bar behind my house called Q's. It's a very chill place and they play great music which I of course love. My thoughts drifted to a lot to my friends I would drink and hang out with back in Colorado with. At the same time, my two roommates are wonderful and I am excited about what the future holds for us. I have decided that text messaging is my new way of life and without it I would feel detached from the rest of the world. My moving has not completely hit me yet, but I know there are many more emotional break downs on the way...HAHAHA!!

Last Goodbye

So, I just dropped my dad off at the airport. That was the last of my goodbyes. I hate goodbyes! Everybody hates goodbyes, but if you know me....I REALLY HATE GOODBYES!! But, it was quick goodbye and a lot of tears on the way home. It is my second day here and I still cannot believe I am actually here. The traffic and driving here is unreal. It's hard to find parking...much like Boulder on the hill. But there's so much going on here. It's an exciting feeling. It is my first time away from both my parents. I can't just drive down the road for hugs and dinner anymore. That is a strange feeling for me. It's a scary feeling for me. There's still a longing to see those of you back home. A feeling I know will linger in my mind for as long as I am away. But I have definitely realized how amazing communication and technology is these days. I have talked with all my best friends through cell phones, e-mail, blogs, and text messaging. It gives me comfort. Two days in LA down....exactly how many more to go...still a mystery.

To My Friends Back in Colorado

"Without you here......there is less to say.."....Colin Hay (Garden State Soundtrack)

Was it worth it?

So, I arrived in LA today. As I approached the famous traffic everyone told me about I couldn't help but wonder (again) if I have done the right thing. The last week of my life has quite possibly been the most emotional and difficult one to this day. I am exhausted from the goodbyes and exhausted from the constant pit at the bottom of my stomach. But, this is what I always wanted, right? Haven't I always wanted to get out of Colorado? This is the most challenging thing I have ever done. And as i sit here now I cannot believe i have actually done it. My mom, who is my best friend, left me a month ago and i thought that was hard. Nothing compares to what I feel right now. I miss my friends. I miss my family who is still there. I just miss it all together. i hope to wake up everyday and feel like it is getting easier, but I think that will take some time. But for now, I have much to see and much to feel. Did I really make the right decision?