Like A White Winged Dove....

I have the next three days off and I don't know how I managed to pull that off. I didn't even request any days off. But for some reason my manager made the schedule like this. Sometimes it is good to actually get along with your store manager...hahahaha. I am not sure what I am going to do yet. We were maybe going to go to Vegas since it is so close, but that probably is going to fall through. Whatever, I am sure there is plenty to do in LA. I am excited to see how New Years is in California. My only wish is that I could have all my friends out here with me to celebrate. That would make my life. But I can't, so I guess there is always my birthday. CINCO DE BLAIR!! All of you keep that time frame open and plan on meeting me in Vegas. VEGAS BABY!!!

Garth! Marriage is a form of punishment in some countries.

I took this line from one of my very favorite movies, "Wayne's World." I was thinking about marriage today as I was driving through a flooded California. See, I am a bridesmaid in a wedding in March back in Colorado. I found out acouple weeks ago that one of my sorority sisters and best friend's is engaged. And a good friend of mine from college is also getting married in the summer. How can marriage not be on my mind? HAHAHAHA. Sometimes I think marriage is overrated. But when it comes down to it I really would like to eventually get married. I sometimes think about who I am going to end up with and if I will end up with anyone at all. But this concept of marriage is so fascinating to me. It's like it is another thing that is expected of all of us throughout our lives. So, who will I end up with? Who can really handle me in the end? And will I ever fall in love? These are questions I ponder at times. But for now I enjoy being in weddings and going to them. I think weddings are one of the funnest events in the world and I am so very excited to be in another one in March.

P.S. It's wet in California. It has not stopped raining all day. People are freaking out and roads are being closed. I was walking down the alley and a car drove by and ran over a puddle and BOOM, I was soaking wet. I felt like I was in Bridget Jones or something. As I put up my arms and yelled, "What the @#*%?", I thought to myself, "God, I love this place!"

Family Ties

My dad and his girlfriend came to town for Christmas. They leave on Tuesday morning and it always comes too soon. I've realized being around them that there doesn't need to be constant conversation all of the time. Just having them in my presence and in the same room as me makes me feel better about things. Not that I have anything to be worked up about, but they keep my comfort level steady....HAHAHAHA!!! I'm so unbelievably glad they were able to make it for Christmas. It was weird and extremely sad not having my mom here for the first Christmas ever, but I think that is part of growing up. And I know she was thinking about me. My dad and his girlfriend have done more for me than I could ever imagine. And having them here on Christmas made me appreciate them all over again. Thanks!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Merry Christmas to everyone I love!! I hope you all have a wonderful day and I am thinking of you!

High And Dry

So, Nick bought me some Radiohead albums for Xmas. I have discovered a song on "The Bends" that I really like. I can't really explain it. The song rubs me the right way and it makes sense to me when I hear it.

RADIOHEAD
High and Dry

Two jumps in a week, I bet you think that's pretty clever don't you boy.
Flying on your motorcycle, watching all the ground beneath you drop.
You'd kill yourself for recognition; kill yourself to never ever stop.
You broke another mirror; you're turning into something you are not.

Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry
Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry

Drying up in conversation, you will be the one who cannot talk.
All your insides fall to pieces, you just sit there wishing you could still make love
They're the ones who'll hate you when you think you've got the world all sussed out
They're the ones who'll spit at you. You will be the one screaming out.

Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry
Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry

It's the best thing that you've ever had, the best thing that you've ever, ever
had.
It's the best thing that you've ever had; the best thing you've had has gone away.

Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry
Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry

A Pleasant Evening

I arrived home from work to two packages on the ground for me. I immediately thought, "What the hell? I didn't order anything from Amazon?" HAHAHAHA!!! I then realized that they were gifts for me...YEA!!!! I received the movie "Elf" from one of my friends, which was completely wonderful. And from my dearest Nick, I received three Radiohead albums. I always forget how much Nick actually listens to what I say. He always seems to come to my rescue and he doesn't even know it. Needless to say, I thought I would try to understand Nick's world a little better than I already do by asking for some Radiohead albums. Radiohead is one of Nick's passions. So, thank you Nick!...Later, my roommate and I walked about six blocks up to San Vicente where there are a number of different restaurants and stores. I love cheeseburgers, so Erin took me a place called Barneys where I enjoyed a cheeseburger and some delicious fries. Afterwards, we walked to Starbucks where I had hot chocolate because I cannot stand coffee. Everyone keeps telling me about this coffee phenom and I vow never to get into it. Of course, I said that about cell phones and Harry Potter and well look at me now...HAHAHA!!! It was a tad bit chilly out and it was nice to see all the XMAS lights up. It doesn't really feel like XMAS here because of the weather, but tonight it kind of did for a change. It was a pleasant evening and one that left me content for the time being....My dad and his girlfriend arrive on Friday and I think tonight I realized just how excited I am to see them.

We're in a place called Vertigo

HELLO....HELLO....sorry, I have the new U2 song in my head and I thought it would make a good title. I got my haircut today. The lady that cut my hair was very sweet and very interested in who I was. As I told her the whole story of me moving out here from Colorado, no family, no friends really, and yada yada yada she turned into a mother figure for a second...HAHAHAHA. She asked how old I was and would I be going home for the holidays. When I responded with 24 and that I wouldn't be going home she kind of frowned. She felt bad for me. A stranger felt bad for me. Although, I do not want anyone to feel bad for me it did feel good to have some complete stranger care for a second. I told her my father and his girlfriend were coming out for XMAS and she felt much better. As I handed her tip to her, she grabbed my arm and said, "I like you. I can tell you are a very warm person. Goodluck on your journey and I hope to see you again." I smiled and laughed on my way out. I felt like I was in a movie or something. For a second, I thought I was on that show "Joan of Arcadia." See, every episode God speaks to Joan, but always in a different form. It could be a teacher, a stranger, a singer, etc. but someone is always labeled as a God. She spends every episode though trying to figure out who it is that is playing God. And when I say God speaks to her it's not like some religious expedition. Joan is just always chosen to help somebody else or save somebody else and "God" guides her along the way. For a minute, I thought the hair dresser was that of a higher power...HAHAHAHA!!!

The Truth Hurts

I'm amazed at how much I have grown since graduating from college. And I guess I mean how much I have matured. I heard some things today that if I had heard back in college would have sent me into a whirlwind and I would have flipped out. But today, as I heard these things I kind of just let the words marinate in my head and thought about my response to the whole situation. The truth really does hurt. Without a doubt it can hurt almost worse than most things. However, the honesty that accompanies the truth is something to be grateful for. Honesty is all I ask of people and although it is hard now, it is much appreciated in the end. I know who I am and how I am at times with people. I realize that it can be a bit much. I apologize to all of you that I may have frustrated in my past. You know it was never done on purpose. I appreciate those of you who are still in my life...Thanks!!!

Lindsay Lohan

So, I have a new goal while being here in LA. My new goal is to physically run into Lindsay Lohan. I mean actually knock her over or bump into her...HAHAHA. And the think about it is that the chances of this happening are actually pretty high. I know everyone is wondering why this would be a goal of mine, but I am so fascinated by this pop culture phenomenon and she seems to be the main focus of the paparazzi these days. I know I am crazy, but I know how to keep life fun.

P.S. It is 82 degrees here today!!! Are you kidding me? I keep forgetting that it is December.

Bruise

So, about two weeks ago I slipped in my shower and hit the inside of my leg. Nick thinks this is the funniest thing he has ever heard and acts almost baffled that a person would slip in the shower. I guess the almighty Nick has never slipped in his life...HAHAHA...j/k. Anyway, it hurt so bad that I almost threw up on myself and I wanted to scream but it was 5 in the morning and out of respect for my roommates and neighbors I restrained myself. I thought I just hit right below my knee, but as the weeks progressed I noticed the bruise went all the way down to my ankle. Now, everyday the bruise gets worse and worse. It literally looks like someone decided to hit me in my ankle, rather than, my face. I find it humorous because when I workout people tend to glance down at that ankle. HAHAHAHA.....they must think I am crazy.

Dictionary

I heard today that "Crack Hoe" is officially being added to the dictionary. Are you kidding me?

Flashback

I was driving home from work today and all of the sudden I had a flashback of the week before I left and the day before I left. It kind of freaked me out because it seemed so real. I even started to feel sick to my stomach. It was so unusual because I felt like I was right back in Colorado for a moment. Every detail of every event, person, words, and etc. came right back to me. If I made it through that I feel like I can make it through anything. As I continued to think about things I remembered when I was leaving Colorado and all that I thought to myself, "How can I leave these people?...But I am not going to worry because I will see them again." Now, three months later I realized that a lot of those people I really will not see again. They were meant to be in my life for a length of time and that was it. It doesn't necessarily even upset me because I have realized so much being here. I'm in LA and it's crazy and it's scary and it's everything to me right now. It's where my dreams are and where my hope is. It's my future...

A Discovered Song

"Somewhere Only We Know"
BY KEANE

I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete
Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

So if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

So if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?

This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?

What's their story?

I was at the mall today trying to finish my last minute shopping. Of course I am not done and have managed to go Christmas shopping at least 8 times. So, for all of you, you are just going to have to deal with things not getting there by Christmas. Anyhoo, on my excursions to the mall or any public place for that matter I people watch. I love to people watch. And although my attention is usually caught by people making out, boys who are 11 and have an 11 year old girlfriend, girls wearing UGGS in hot ass weather, and etc., my attention never stays on them. Usually, I end up focusing on the people who appear to be lonely to me. And I always wonder, what's their story? Because I always feel bad for them. And it's not that they are going out of their way to appear lonely. For instance, today I noticed a tall skinny teenager hunched over just wandering around in Pacsun with a sad look on her face. She was alone and seemed kind of lost. I mean I know she wasn't lost. And then I watched the sales person be an asshole to her and at that point I wanted to say something, but I didn't. Now, having seen her is really not going to make a difference in my life one way or another but it made me wonder if I look sad or lonely even when I am not. And if i am lonely, can others tell?

Trust

Lets talk trust for a minute. I am a person who trust everyone. I want to believe that there is good in everyone. So when a bad situation happens I want to believe that all parties are being truthful to me. However, at the same time, there is a part of that trust that goes away in the most intense moments. I have been screwed over by a number of people I considered to be friends. And my mom has always said to me, "well, what does that say about you Blair? Why do you attract these people?" So, my question is, why do I attract these people? I must be a little out of my mind as well. Now, I haven't been screwed over at this current moment in my life but in the last couple months things have happened that have made me question the truth. And the thing about it is that all these events are occurring in Colorado, so I can't be there to scope them out. Not that I need to scope them out. But I feel like I am missing the full picture.

But I'm Not Jewish

So, both of my roommates are Jewish. As everyone probably knows it is Hanakkuh right now. My roommate Jaimee invited Erin and I over to her house on Friday night to celebrate. There were about 15 people and I was the only one who was not Jewish. But that really didn't matter one bit. I was completely amazed at the amounts of food they eat at dinner. At one point at the end of the meal there were like 6 types of desserts being passed around the table. I would pass a tray off and turn back around and another tray would be in my right hand. It was unbelievable. And the food was to die for. It was so nice to be around a family and a bunch of their close friends. It made me miss my family but I was thankful Jaimee had invited me over to her house. Holidays are not about the presents. They are about family and friends and being hugged and told how much you are loved. I always knew this but being here in California without my friends and family has made it even more clear to me.

Rules and Expectations

I find it fascinating how we have all these rules and expectations as we grow up. It's like when we are younger we are always expected to go to college. It wasn't drilled in my head that I needed to go to college, but it was just expected. I guess I expected that after high school I would go to college. Not once did I consider not going to college. And like who came up with the rule that we need to move away from our parents when we get older?....HAHAHAH!!! Why do we have to move somewhere else? Can't we just stay where we are born? No...we are supposed "to see what else is out there." HAHAHAHA. Not that I mind any of this really. It's kind of nice having some sort of direction in my life. But isn't my next expectation to get married.....HELL NO.....I mean at least not yet.....I can't even get a date. Hmmmm!!!

Cherish

You know, I am amazed at how much everyone, myself included, gets so wrapped up in the bullshit that occurs in our lives. The little things that consume our thoughts when in the end they will not even matter. It's like we are so blind to the beauty that surrounds us. We let the pessimism control the outcome of our optimism. And not only that!! But we take things for granted. And I really hate that. And I know I am at fault for doing it as well. I guess what I want to address is cherish life and wherever you are and those who surround you. Tell someone you love them everyday. Remember who you love everyday. Be thankful for the things that you have. Life is a constant challenge and a lot of times we don't want to even want to get out of bed. But make yourself realize that life is hard, but it's what keeps us growing. And when life is hard we end up meeting some pretty amazing people on the way. I love everybody and I miss them. I want you all here more than anything. But I am also so grateful that I am in California. I have my health. I have more love than imaginable. I am trying to cherish every moment and thing in my life right now.

Wow...I needed that.

So, my oldest brother Trey was in town all weekend. I can't even begin to explain how happy I was to be in his presence for the past few days. As many of you all know Trey is my idol and has always been one of the main people I look up to in life. Everytime I get around him he puts me at ease and makes me feel good about the choices I have made and what my future might bring. I have been longing for a family member or a friend to come out and visit me for quite sometime now. And I honestly think he came at the right exact time. And the thing about Trey, is that is what he always does. And he never even knows he does it. And I never even realize it till after the fact. But I always seem to see him at such pivotal times in my life. The last time I saw him was in Philly in July and that was the point at which I knew I needed to get out of Colorado and I needed to get out of Colorado soon. He is one of the main reasons I got the ball rolling because when I was out there is when we discussed the possibilities of where to go and who to live with. I called my roommate Jaimee while in Philadelphia and from there moved forward. Trey walked in my life again at the right time. It's always amazing being around him because he knows me and he knows my insecurities and he knows my strengths. The best times are when we laugh about growing up together and the mannerisms of our parents(SORRY GUYS...HAHAHA). There's about a 10 1/2 year age gap between Trey and I but I realize how much better our relationship gets as we get older and especially as I get older. I use to look at him as my older brother for the most part. Now, I look at him as my older brother and my friend.

Greeting Card

I was in Urban Outfitters with my bro yesterday and saw one of the best cards I have ever seen. It went as follows...

I love you so much I want to throw up all over my legs.

HAHAHAHAHA!!! It's the little things that make me laugh and keep me sane.

Lyrics That Caught My Attention Today

Words like violence
Break the silence
Come crashing in
Into my little world
~Depeche Mode (Enjoy The Silence)

I feel fine and I feel good
I'm feeling like I never should
Whenever I get this way
I just don't know what to say
Why can't we be ourselves like we were yesterday
I'm not sure what this could mean
I don't think you're what you seem
I do admit to myself
That if I hurt someone else
Then I'll never see just what we're meant to be
~New Order (Bizarre Love Triangle)

yesterday i got so old
i felt like i could die
yesterday i got so old
it made me want to cry
~The Cure (In Between Days)

Happy Birthday

It's my good friend Nicci's birthday today. She is 25 and according to Jessica Simpson, "That's like almost half way to 30." HAHAHA...I suggest that anyone who is reading this and knows Nicci should give her a call, send her a card, write her an email, etc. In the movie Garden State Natalie Portman says, "You got to listen to this song. It will change your life." As cheesy as this sounds, "You have to meet Nicci Nesmith. She'll change your life."...Love you Nicci!!!