Holiday Spirit

So, my bro headed back to the big PA this morning. As always, it was fantastic to see him. I am always amazed at how much I love talking to him and how we could probably stay up for hours talking. Sometimes he frustrates me because he picks at me or he tells me I need to get certain things done. I immediately get defensive and think he is attacking me and thinking that the decisions or my surroundings aren't right. I always realize later that he is thinking that at all. He just being a protective brother and wants me to be safe and wants me to believe in myself because it's pretty apparent that he does. At times I tend to get down on myself because I feel like I'm so behind compared to what he was at my age. I know it shouldn't matter what he did and where he was when he was 27 years old but it's something I think about every now and then. I could sit here and say that I wish I had done things different when I was in college and even a year or two after but the fact of the matter is that I can't do that. I can't regret anything about the past because it's not going to get me anywhere. Sometimes I feel like I'm out here all alone and that I continue to tread water until the day I'm rescued. And I'm realizing that nobody is going to rescue me. The only person that is going to rescue me is ME. I feel lost, but at the same time know exactly where I am and exactly where I am going. It just seems complicated and more challenging than I honestly want to deal with. But that's what life is all about, right? I can shy away from those challenges and continue to stay where I am. Or, I can dive into the challenges head on realizing it is going to be crazy difficult but in the end I'll probably feel a lot better. After the first of the year I plan on searching for a new job. I mean AGGRESSIVELY searching for a new job. I have many concerns about that like most people would. But I could come up with a million excuses for the rest of my life on why it's going to suck searching for a job and why I really don't want to do it. But if your going to spend 40+ hours a week at something, don't you think you should try and find something you enjoy? Try and go out there and challenge yourself a little more? Because that's what I think and when you wake up in the morning and you realize there is no room to grow anymore at the current job. And this is truly because I don't want to. I could move all the way up to store manager if I so pleased by I have no desire to. Not getting the corporate auditor position was a slap in the face and I truly belived it happened for a reason. Maybe it happened to tell me to GET OUT. Anyhoo, A new year is upon me and I'm thinking it's going to be a pretty fabulous year. Because guess what? 2007 was a pretty fantastic year. It can only get better, right? We'll see...;)